Coming Out of the Closet : My Cannabis Confession

It was a hot summer night as we laid and looked up at the stars. We were giggly, aloof, and hungry…

My first experience with cannabis was when I was 12 years old. My brother was having a party and a girl had offered me a hit off her pipe. My BFF and I  took a couple puffs, breaking our D.A.R.E promise we made only months prior. I distinctly remember one of us burning our thumbs with the lighter. “Inhale Inhale!” the stranger girl chimed in. We giggled our way to my trampoline.  Soon after we got some munchies and fell asleep.

Around this time I had no parental guidance, a pure latchkey kid. My parents were going through a custody battle, we were poor as ever, and I had a lot of obligated stress. I never knew where I’d be living next. I always wanted to escape, but be home. Problem was, I never really had one. I started seeing a therapist the same year, age 12. He saw the situation and prescribed me some Tylenol PM to help me sleep. Those gave me a stomach ulcer, causing an allergic reaction to all NSAIDS.

At age 14, I was prescribed anti-depressants and stronger sleeping medication. I already had a bad stigma against pharmaceuticals because my mother was on a bunch, but listened to my doctor for a couple weeks. I was a smart kid. I knew the “happy pills” were masking the truth of a situation that I could not change. I had to face my trailer park life and decide to be happy; no pill or sleeping aid was going to make me “happy.” I quickly stopped taking them and turned to cannabis. It provided me with a chance to relax, laugh, and live in the moment. I was on independent study and it was prevalent in the park. I smoked almost everyday, all the way through age 19. I received honor-roll in high school and college, graduating with a high GPA from UC Irvine. Contrary to common mis-belief, Cannabis never took my intelligence down a notch.

Around age 19, I thought I realized I had been using cannabis as an emotional crutch. I had to break out of my “Stoner habits” and so I quit for 3 years.

At age 23, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, due to a Dr’s misdiagnosis. He gave me an antibiotic that shredded my insides, leaving me with an auto-immune disease to battle for the rest of my life (unless cannabis cures it!).

By the time of the REAL diagnosis (8 weeks+ internal bleeding), I had lost over 10lbs of healthy muscle and fat. I was extremely sick, severely anemic, had no appetite, and my digestive system would not digest. A friend offered me a joint to help me eat, and I said, “At this point, why not?”

It made me feel whole again. It let me breathe. It opened my third eye. I realized this was the natural cure my body was needing. The endo-cannabinoid system needed to be rebalanced. I was able to eat and sleep that night.

When trying to find cannabis, I was scared to tell anyone. It has such a bad stigma. I live in a political city. I was a full time personal trainer, nutrition consultant, and life coach – how could smoke weed?!

I had no idea a medicinal program was coming into place in DC about the same time I got sick…

Now that I know cannabis has true medicinal properties, I have legal rights to my medicine, and can use it responsibly, I have no fear of using it as much as I need to. These discriminatory thoughts in all our minds are against a simple herb, like the basil growing on all the housewives’ kitchen counter. It’s a simple plant that has been denied it’s time to shine because of politics and greed. Let go of those thoughts. Let go of those frameworks in your mind.

At age 24, about 15 weeks ago, I fell down a flight of concrete stairs. I hit my head on a brick wall, breaking my facial bones, and smacking my left temple. I’m now suffering from post concussion syndrome (TBI), severely torn muscles in my back, neck, and left arm. I’m also dealing with fibromyalgia, because the brain is misfiring and mis-figuring pain signals. Every day is an adventure.

When I told my doctor I no longer wanted to take pain meds, he sat down with me and drew the synapses on the patient table, explaining exactly how THC palliates and cures the swollen brain. He said he wished he could prescribe it, and couldn’t believe he could prescribe me cocaine first, if he wanted (we chuckled). But he couldn’t give me the simple herb. 

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Right now, without cannabis, I would have daily muscle spasms, migraines, nausea, no appetite, and serious digestive pain. Some days I can’t get a hold of good medicine and am obligated to a dark, quiet room. Without holistic medicine, the only thing that takes away the pain is meditation (detaching body from mind).

Through all of these medical experiences, I have been thinking of others. I’m not the only one who is hurting. If I listened to my doctors, I would be taking Valium, Oxy, and Codeine right now on a daily basis! I would be an absolute useless zombie. I would have to move into my one of my parents’ house because I can’t function on those medications. And worst of all? They make me more sick and delay the healing process. What does cannabis do?

Cannabis takes away my pain and cures, yes cures, my injuries as I use it. The unfortunate part is, it’s very hard to get quality, affordable access to medicine here in DC. I’m moving to a place where I can get better access. Cannabis is accelerating my healing process. Therefore, I need to be in a place where I can live a pain-free life style. I need to be in a place where I can help others live a pain-free life too. Fortunately, I’ve joined together with a ton of amazing women, from a new cannabis entrepreneur group called WomenGrow, who will help me get into this industry. They (we) all have open arms and only want to help others succeed.

Don’t we all deserve a healthy and holistic lifestyle? Why pump ourselves with unnecessary chemicals? How does a lifestyle of small, friendly communities, fresh organic food, and positive vibes sound? Impossible? Think about it. How do you want to live?

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